Review: The Evolving Self, Robert Kegan
The Evolving Self - Problem and Process in Human Development
Robert Kegan
This book profoundly affected me. It shook me up. Kegan describes the way we construct our selves in relation to our environment (or ‘subject-object’ relations), from infanthood onwards. He identifies a series of distinct ‘balances’ or stages which seem to characterise our self constructions.
Of most relevant to adults are:
- Stage 3: Identifying our self with relationships — you cannot distinguish your perspective from that of meaningful others
- Stage 4: Being a distinct self which has relationships, distancing oneself from others’ expectations
- Stage 5: Having a self (rather than being embedded in it)
Movement through the stages isn’t smooth. In fact, as the figure below¹ shows, the majority of adults are found to be at stage 4 or less (the slopes are transitions).
Development isn’t smooth because provocations to move beyond the limits of our current self are felt as threats to our very way of being — our construction of our self and the world. Having described the stages, Kegan spends most of the book talking about being ‘out of balance’, and how we might find it again.
He focuses in particular on how a person’s relationships (or ‘holding environment’) can be conducive to growth. A good holding environment, he suggests:
- Holds on: accepting the person as they are
- Lets go: allowing (or enabling) the person’s limits to be discovered
- Sticks around: accepting the person’s emerging self (and the changes it entail for the relationship to the environment)
This is a very short description of a book densely packed with insights. For my own part, I felt it threw me out of balance, shaking up my self conception and the way I feel in relation to the world. It has also altered the way I think about my relationships and interactions, and how I might better encourage my own and others’ growth.
It’s not the most accessible introduction to Kegan’s work, but there’s lots online if you’re curious. This video provides a good introduction to the stages. You might also want to check out his 2016 book An Everybody Culture, which provides an accessible introduction to his developmental theory, and builds on it to explore how organisations can foster development.
- ^ This figure is from p. 28 of Immunity to Change, Kegan & Lahey
